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Please click on a topic below for more details.
Funeral Service Practices and Options
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Should I pre-arrange my funeral?
We heartily advise you to do so. There are many different reasons for pre-arranging a funeral. Some persons, especially those who are alone in the world, may want the assurance of a funeral and burial which meet their personal beliefs, standards or life-style.
Others feel a responsibility to assist survivors by arranging approximate funeral and burial cost guidelines. Still others have moved to distant places, or maintain both summer and winter residences. They may want to make sure that certain recommendations are heeded as to where the funeral and burial or other final disposition will take place. Honestly, there are almost as many reasons for pre-arranging a funeral as there are people choosing to complete pre-arrangements.
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Can I pay for my funeral in advance?
There are many benefits to pre-payment. If you do choose to pre-fund your funeral services, your money is put in an interest earning account that will hopefully keep up with cost increases at the funeral home. After your funeral is paid for in full our price is guaranteed, and you will never have to pay more for the items you have already paid for.
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If I choose cremation, can I also have a funeral or memorial service?
Many people who choose cremation elect to have some form of religious or secular service either prior to, or following the cremation. Some have a traditional funeral service with the casket present. Others elect to have a memorial service, with or without the casket or cremated remains. There’s great flexibility in end-of-life planning. Please speak with one of our experienced arrangement counselors for more options.
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Can we have a viewing before cremation?
Yes, of course you can. Cremation may follow a traditional funeral service that includes visitation, viewing, and a service with an open or closed casket. Always remember that it is our goal to provide you and your family with exactly what you want; so be sure to discuss all the details with a staff member.
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Is embalming required by law?
No. The purpose of embalming is to disinfect and preserve a body for a limited time for funeral purposes. If there is to be a public viewing with visitation and funeral services with the body present, embalming is considered necessary and advised. There may also be health, legal, or religious reasons that make embalming desirable or necessary.
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Are there any death benefits for veterans?
Yes. With an honorable discharge, you’re eligible to obtain funds to help pay funeral and burial expenses. If the death occurs in a V.A. Hospital or if the veteran is receiving a V.A. pension, certain additional monies may be allowable. A U.S. flag for the casket, and a government headstone for an unmarked grave, is also available. Interment without cost in a U.S. National Cemetery can also be arranged if certain requirements are met. In some cases, the widow or survivor may also receive further benefits.
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What should be done if my loved one dies away from home?
If death occurs away from home, a staff member of the Bradley Funeral Home should be contacted to arrange all of the details for you in any location on this continent and around the world. We can act as your agent to see that all your wishes are carried out.
There is no need for you to make a long trip and deal with strangers. We can make any necessary arrangements for burial in a distant city. Upon your arrival for the burial, you’ll find that everything is in order. If you cannot be present, you can be sure that your instructions will be followed.
Funeral Etiquette
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How should I dress for a funeral?
Your dress should be an expression of dignity and respect to the family and those present at the service. Wearing colorful clothing is no longer inappropriate.
Generally, we see the immediate family dressed in dark, conservative colors. However, there are many factors that may encourage a change from this tradition, such as traditions of the community, religious or personal beliefs, or the age of the deceased.
We have also begun to notice that as people become more comfortable with "Celebration of Life" services rather than traditional Funeral Services that the colors, even of the immediate family, have become brighter and more colorful.
We encourage you to wear something that is clean and respectful in appearance. You may wear any color; your knowledge of the family and of the circumstances surrounding the death may help you determine what you would be most comfortable in.
We generally tell visitors to wear something that would be appropriate for a church service or an outfit that would be considered "business casual" for the visitation. We would still encourage professional dress for the Funeral Service. It is always better to err in the direction of formality rather than informality.
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What do I do about acknowledgments?
Many families wish to acknowledge those who send food, flowers or made a memorial donation with a note of thanks. No longer are personal letters expected in return for expressions of sympathy. It is not necessary to acknowledge those who attended the service or signed the register book.
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Is humor ever appropriate during such a solemn time?
Laughter during calling hours, as family and friends share stories about the deceased, is common. But, sometimes this can be upsetting or confusing for teenagers and children. It is always best to prepare them for the experiences ahead of them. Always follow the lead of those who are grieving, because humor is quite subjective.
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As a guest, am I supposed to stay for the entire span of posted visiting hours?
Visitors are not expected to stay the entire time of visitation. If you are close to the family and see a need you can fulfill by staying your presence would be appreciated. If there is a long receiving line, keep your remarks to the family brief to help facilitate the receiving of friends. You should certainly stay long enough to speak to the family of the deceased and express your sympathy. Once you have done that it is appropriate to leave, so that others will have a chance to do the same.
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What is the number one statement not to make to the grieving family?
Most bereaved people tell us that the statement, "I know how you feel" is the most irritating, because (of course) no one can really know how someone is feeling. Rather than such a statement, we suggest you share what the loved one meant to you.
If you did not know the deceased person it is helpful to say things like: "I'll be thinking about you." It is also appropriate to say, "I will call to check on you," but only if you really plan to do so. It is so important to follow through on offers of assistance, rather than simply making the statement at the time of services.
Many times families will find a need for assistance once things have begun to "settle down" after the services and your offer and help could mean a great deal to them. Acts of kindness towards a grieving family do not have to be grand gestures but rather sincere gestures of help on many levels. Some examples of such acts:
- Mow the grass
- Purchase groceries
- Change the oil in the car
- Baby-sit the children
- Provide a meal
- Provide transportation
Avoid telling the family to "Call me if you need anything" simply because when people are grieving they do not have the energy to call and ask for help.
Again, we cannot state it often enough: It is important to follow through if you make an offer to help.
Death and Children
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Should I bring my young children to the viewing or funeral?
It is our firm belief that children should be a part of any services conducted for your loved one. However, when very young children want to participate in a viewing, it is appropriate to ask the funeral director to bring the children at non-public times. This will make it easier for the family to deal with the child’s questions without being concerned about what others think of the child being there. Often, someone is then asked to take the child home so that the adults can participate in the usual rituals.
If a young child will be attending a funeral service, it is helpful to bring along a neighbor or a friend who can take care of the child if the child should become restless.
Cremation and Catholicism
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As a Catholic may I be cremated?
YES. In May, 1963, the Vatican's Holy Office (now the Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith) lifted the prohibition forbidding Catholics to choose cremation. This permission was incorporated into the revised Code of Canon law of 1983 (Canon #1176), as a well as into the Order of Christian Funerals. It then became standard practice to celebrate the funeral liturgies with the body and then take the body to the crematorium. Most recently the bishops of the United States and the Holy See have authorized the celebration of a Catholic funeral liturgy with the cremated remains when the body is cremated before the funeral.
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When should cremation take place?
The Church strongly prefers that cremation take place after the full funeral liturgy with the body. The presence of the body most clearly brings to mind the life and death of the person and better expresses the values that the Church affirms in its rites.
This is the body once washed in Baptism, anointed with the oil of salvation, and fed with the Bread of Life. This is the body whose hands clothed the poor and embraced the sorrowing…Thus, the Church's reverence and care for the body grows out of the reverence and concern for the person whom the Church now commands to the care of God...
However, when circumstances prevent the presence of the body at the funeral liturgy...it is appropriate that the cremated remains of the body be present for the full course of Funeral Liturgy, and the Rite of Committal. The funeral liturgy should always be celebrated in a church.
(Reflections on the body, Cremation, and Catholic Funeral Rites, Bishops' Committee on the Liturgy)
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Is it necessary to embalm?
When cremation follows the funeral liturgy, embalming is usually necessary. When cremation is to follow soon after death, embalming is not necessary. Each state has its own regulations in this matter, but generally the rule is that a deceased human body that is not buried or cremated within 24 or 48 hours is to be embalmed or refrigerated. However, simple embalming and the use of a cremation casket need not involve excessive costs.
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Is it necessary to purchase a casket?
No, it is not necessary to purchase a casket for cremation. The only thing required is a simple container in which the body can be transported and placed in the cremation chamber.
If you choose to have the body present for Mass, with cremation to follow, rental is an option. Many funeral directors offer regular caskets for rent, as well as the special cremation or shell caskets which you may purchase.
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What is the proper container for cremated remains?
Appropriate, worthy containers (not necessarily expensive) such as a classic urn are proper for the cremated remains. At the present time the U.S. Bishops' Committee on the Liturgy had determined only what is not a proper container. Although jewelry, dishes, statuary and space capsules are examples of designer containers now being offered, they are unacceptable to Catholic funeral practices. It is also unacceptable to have cremated remains made into jewelry, dishes and the like.
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How are cremated remains transported?
Transportation of cremated remains is a matter of personal choice. Individuals personally carrying a deceased person's ashes with often have the added responsibility of packing and transporting the urn. Using the principle of respect for the body, you may wrap the container of cremated remains with the possibility of sending it as accompanying baggage or take it along as carry-on luggage. Ask the airline office or the state Department of public Health for specific information about your region of travel before preparing the cremated remains for transport by air. Where no legal regulations exist regarding transport of cremated remains in a standard shipping container by U.S. Mail, UPS or other common carriers.
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Must cremated remains be buried/entombed?
YES. Respectful final disposition of cremated remains involves interment or entombment. Burial options include a family grave in a cemetery marked with a traditional memorial stone or an urn garden, a special section in a cemetery will small, pre-dug graves for urns.
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What is a columbarium?
A common practice is the entombment of the cremated remains in a columbarium. It is an arrangement of niches, either in a mausoleum, a room or wall into which an urn or other worthy vessel is placed for permanent memorial.
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May I scatter the ashes?
NO. The practice of scattering cremated remains on the sea, from the air, or on the ground, or keeping cremated remains in the home of a relative or friend of the deceased are not the reverent disposition that the Church requires. (Order of Christian Funerals, Appendix II #417) Burial at sea of cremated remains differs from scattering. An appropriate and worthy container, heavy enough to be sent to its final resting place, may be dropped into the sea. (See Order of Christian Funerals, #406.4) Please consult your local government for environmental regulations.
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Who decides if I am cremated?
In most cases you make the decision to be cremated. However, your survivors may decide to have you cremated, generally due to special circumstances, but rarely against will.
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How do I make my wishes known?
If you desire that your body be cremated you can make those wishes known in your will and in documents designed to help plan and prepare your funeral.
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Must I honor my parent's or spouse's wish to cremate them?
Out of respect for loved ones, you want to do all you can to carry out the wishes of the deceased concerning funeral services provided they are keeping with Church practice. Yet, you must always keep in mid the therapeutic value to the family celebrating the full funeral liturgy with the body present. This may significantly outweigh your reasons for cremation before funeral liturgy.
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What funeral rites are celebrated when a person is cremated?
The Church strongly prefers that cremation take place after the full funeral liturgy with the body. However, when this is not possible, all the usual rites which are celebrated with a body present may also be celebrated in the presence of a cremated remains. In an appendix to the Order of Christian Funerals, the United States bishops have included prayers to be used when the cremated remains of a loved one are present in church. (Order of Christian Funerals, Appendix II#432-438)
The following rituals may be celebrated:
- Prayers after death
- Gathering in the Presence of the Body
- Vigil for the Deceased
- Funeral Mass or Funeral Liturgy Outside Mass
- Rite of Committal
During the liturgies, the cremated remains are treated with the same dignity and respect as the body.
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Prayers after Death
This ritual is used immediately after death. The presence of the minister, the readings, and the prayers can be great comfort to the family. (Order of Christian Funerals, #101-108)
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Gathering in the Presence of the Body
This ritual can also be of great comfort to the family members and friends. It allows for a time of simple prayer and shared silence. (Order of Christian Funerals, #109-118)
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Vigil for the Deceased
If cremation has already taken place, friends and family may still gather to pry. While it has been a tradition to pray rosary on some regions, the Vigil of the Deceased is a Liturgy of the Word service, which includes prayer for the deceased and recognition of his/her Christian life. (Order of Christian Funerals, #57-97)
Funeral Mass
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Should I schedule a funeral Mass before or after cremation?
The Church strongly prefers cremation after the Funeral Mass. However, if it is possible for the body to be present at the Funeral Mass, an indult has been granted by the Holy See which provides for the celebration of the Mass with the cremated remains in church.
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Do I need permission to have cremated remains in church (for the funeral liturgy)?
The indult granting the diocesan bishops of the United States authority to permit a funeral liturgy in the presence of cremated remains (in place of the body) requires two things. First, the diocesan bishop must authorize this practice for his diocese. Second, each individual case requires permission. Your pastor will need to seek permission for you.
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What length of time is there between death, cremation and funeral Mass?
The answer to this question depends on the various factors, just as in the case of funerals with the body. The place of death, the location of the crematory, scheduling a time for cremation, the schedule at the parish church, and other circumstances impact the timing. Once all arrangements have been made, you should generally allow at least one day between death and the celebration of the funeral liturgy.
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What happens at the funeral Mass with cremated remains?
A journey which began at baptism comes to a conclusion as we enter into eternal life. Significant attention should be given to the primary symbols of the Catholic funeral liturgy, as stated in the Order of Christian Funerals and in commentaries. The paschal candle and sprinkling with holy water are primary symbols of baptism and should be used during the funeral Mass. However, the pall is not used. Photos and other mementos may be used at the vigil, but are not appropriate for the Mass. During the Mass, the cremated remains should be treated with the same dignity and respect as the body. They are to be sealed in a worthy vessel. They may be carried in procession and/or placed in table where a coffin normally would be with the Easter candle nearby.
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Rite of Committal
The body is always laid to rest with solemnity and dignity. So too, the Order of Christian Funerals provides for the interment of cremated remains. (Order of Christian Funerals, Appendix II #438)
Excerpts from Reflections on the Body, Cremation, and Catholic Funeral Rites ©1997 United States Catholic Conference, Inc. (USCC);Order of Christian Funerals, Appendix II ©1997 USCC. Used with permission. All rights reserved.
©1999 Fderation of Diocesan Liturgical Commission. For additional copies please contact the IFDLC NATIONAL OFFICE.
VOICE 202.635.6990; FAX202.529.2452; WEBSITE: HTTP://WWW.FDLC.ORG.
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